Eight Weeks

Eight weeks.... 2 months.  That's kind of crazy.  I still feel like it's SO early (and it is) but it's also kind of shocking how fast it's going by in some ways.

Not much to report this week.  Still feeling really crappy most of the time, still feeling really tired all of the time.  Not sleeping well.  Still facing some...ahem.... digestion issues, but luckily they're much better than they were before. 

The most noticable thing to an outsider is absolutely, positively my boobs.  Good lord.  They are huge and sore and just plain yucky.  My husband was excited about them until he realized that trying to touch them would get him a fast and furious punch to the throat.  Seriously, I can't even comfortably lay on my stomach, they're that sore.  Even cuddling my dogs can be uncomfortable.

On the good news front, I weighed myself this morning and I'm about the same (actually, a little less) than last week.  So I'm glad that I'm not packing on quite as many pounds as I thought I was.  I'm still heavier than I would like to be, but I was before I got pregnant, so I have to keep that in mind.  Hopefully I can get my eating back on track soon (at the very least, when my m/s dies off in another month or so).

As of today: 8 weeks

Baby Size: Raspberry

Next Appt: A week from Thursday to see my family doctor.  Not sure how long it will take to get in to an OB.

Weight Gain

It's happening.  Already.  Noticeably so.  My husband keeps saying, "it's okay to get bigger, you're pregnant" and I just want to slap him every time he does.  It's NOT okay to be gaining weight so noticeably at 7 weeks pregnant because it's definitely not my blueberry sized baby.  I don't know how much I weighed before I was pregnant but I do know that I gained 2 pounds in a week.  My pants are getting tighter and I'm going to have to but out the belly band probably in the next couple of days to avoid an unsightly muffin top.  It's disgusting.  And depressing.  I seriously feel like a cow and I'm terrified that I'm going to be one of those unlucky people that just totally balloons.

My problem? I can't stop eating.  I don't mean that the way it sounds. It's not about cravings, it's about avoiding (or at least helping with) the nausea.  The minute I'm not full, I start to feel really sick.  I have to eat several crackers before my feet even touch the ground in the morning, then I eat breakfast, a snack (usually a banana), lunch, 2 snacks (usually an apple and some toast) and then some crackers when I get home to hold me to dinner.  Last night I had to dig in to my cracker stash at around midnight when I couldn't fall asleep.  I rarely want this foods, but I know if I don't get something in to me, I'll be sick.  On top of that, the weather has been crappy here so the last thing my exhausted and sick body feels like doing is going for a walk.  It's hard enough to get out of bed.  Plus, there are only certain foods that I can tolerate.  The thought of my usual morning hard boiled egg is revolting, the mere idea of the raw veggies that I used to snack on turns my stomach, and I choke down my banana and apple each day.  All I can think about it a pumpernickel bagel, smothered in cream cheese from The Great Canadian Bagel and a whole medium pepperoni pizza, both of which I have thankfully been able to avoid thus far (we'll see how much longer I can hold out). What my body is craving is starchy or calorie rich comfort foods: toast, crackers, bread, pasta, cheese etc.  I want nothing to do with fruits, veggies or lean proteins.  I only got through about a third of the beautiful fresh salad my husband made for me the other night (which used to be one of my favorite parts of the meal) before I had to throw it out.  Add to that, I've added a lot more milk to my diet because I need the calcium.... and while it's good for me and baby and even though it's skim, it's over 100 calories per glass.  So those extra calories, added to the additional crackers and breads I'm taking in for the nausea really have me packing on the pounds. 

I don't really know what to do about it.  I'm pregnant.  If I'm hungry, I have to eat.  I'm exhausted at the end of the work day and have to rest (around studying for mid-terms- a whole other battle).  So I guess I'm just going to have to take whatever weight gain comes.  It sucks.  A lot.

7 weeks - And it Begins

Well, if I wasn't sure I was pregnant before this week, I'm definitely clear on that now.  The "morning" sickness has attacked with a vengeance.  Luckily at this point it's just a pretty much consistent feeling of nausea and headache and a complete and total lack of energy, but it lasts all day and comes on with a particular fury when I'm not 100% full.  Meaning I have to eat all.the.time even though it's pretty much the last thing I feel like doing.  So that's awesome for weight gain; no energy, no desire to exercise because I feel like crap 100% of the time, and to top it all off, I'm constantly shoving food down my throat to stave off a little of the nausea.  Awesome.  I'll be a blimp in no time.

I'm going to be honest here and say that food aversions and cravings were always something that I sort of thought were symptoms that pregnant women exaggerated about.  I now know, at least on the aversions side, that I was 100% wrong (I have a feeling I'll be saying that a lot in the next 7ish months.  Oddly enough my food aversions vary from day to day.  I can eat something for dinner one night and love it, and the mere thought of it will completely turn my stomach the next day.  My poor husband is trying to keep up with the ever changing and growing list of things that I can't even bare the thought of eating.  Actually, the list of things I can't eat is probably larger than the list of things I can eat right now. My stomach doesn't feel up for much, but at least I'm not actually throwing-up (yet).

I swore I wasn't going to be one of those whiney and complaining pregnant women, but I can see I've already become that.  I guess it has a lot to do with the fact that this pregnancy is really not turning out the way I thought it would.  I've been under a lot of stress with work, or shall I say the impending lack of work, and I'm sure that's contributing to both my mental and physical state.  I'd love nothing more right now than to be at home guzzling ginger ale, under the covers watching some sad movie.  Pathetic right?

I think my Mom sensed my mood and asked me to go with her to Babies R Us yesterday just to look around.  We also made a pit stop at Sears when we saw that they were having "Baby Days" and I'm really glad we did. For one, it made me realize that, no matter what happens at work, there will still be a little baby here in 7.5 months, which, until 2 weeks ago, was something that I should be over the moon about.  And secondly, we bought these:

Now, I know what you're thinking.  Isn't it a little early to be buying baby stuff, especially bigger ticket items like this?  In any normal circumstance, I would agree with you... but these were on SALE! And I mean a major sale.  Marked down from $59.99 to $34.99 per package of 5.  That means instead of spending $300 of cloth diapers, we spent $174.  That was too good a deal to pass up, and (heaven forbid) if something happens, they can always be packed away for future use.  So, we bought 25 infant (10-22lbs) waterproof, cloth diapers, and I'm very excited about it.  They didn't have any newborn left, so I have my step-mom on the hunt in her city for us.  We passed on the toddler size for now since, by the time the babe is ready for them, I'll probably have to go back to work and many daycares are averse to cloth.  We'll see.  So, as always, I'm so thankful to have such an awesome Mom who a) got me out of the house and b) paid for the diapers.  Yep, she's incredible.  I really don't know what I'd do without her.

As of today: 7 weeks

Baby Size: Blueberry

Next Appt: Nov 3rd is my first appointment with my family doctor, who I'm hoping will refer me to an OB right away.

Midwife Appointment Update

So we had our information session with the midwife last night.  It was.... ok.  Honestly I wasn't overly impressed and I think I'll stick with getting a referral to an OB from my family doctor.  I can't really explain what it was that I didn't like, but there was something that just didn't sit right.  Perhaps it's because I've lost all enthusiasm towards anything, so hopefully I won't regret this decision later.

I have a couple of days until the midwife gives my spot to someone else, so I'll keep thinking and hopefully make sure that I'm happy with my choice.  In the meantine, I have an appointment booked with my family doctor for November 3rd.  I'm in no rush.

6 Weeks - Feeling Blue

As of today: 6 weeks, 1 Day
Baby Size: Sweet Pea
Next Appt: Midwife information session this afternoon at 4pm.  Not really sure what to expect today.

I'd like to post about something exciting or happy today, like the stories of how we told each of our parents, but I just don't have it in me.  Hopefully, I'll be in the mood to write that up soon. 

The worrisome cramping has stopped for the most part, but has been replaced by killer issues with.... we'll just call it my digestive system.  I'm drinking a lot of baby prune juice and eating as much Activia yogurt as possible, and it seems to be helping, but I'm certainly not enjoying this latest symptom.

I think the most troubling "symptom" I've been dealing with the past few days is a depression that has become almost overwhelming at times.  I got some very bad news about the future of my job last week, so that, coupled with the uncertainty of being newly pregnant, really has me down.  I cried for 2 days, then I just sort of went numb.  I didn't go into the office on Thursday (I worked from home) and by yesterday, Thanksgiving Monday, I didn't even want to get out of bed.  I tried and failed to get myself up and going, and it wasn't until almost 3 o'clock when my Mom called to take the dogs to the bush for a walk that I finally dragged myself out from under the covers.  I can't bring myself to be excited about anything.  The only thing I can seem to think about is how crappy I feel, and how poorly timed this pregnancy is.  I have a lot of anger and guilt and sadness and right now, it's winning over the excitement.  It's the exact opposite of how I thought I would feel once I found out I was pregnant and when I think about that, it just makes me feel worse.  This is supposed to be a happy and exciting time. I should be out trying desperately to resist the urge to start buying baby stuff, but instead I'm at home with no desire but to lay under the covers and think about anything but being pregnant.  I'm an awful person for that fact, I know, but I can't help it at the moment.

I've also started to feel a little "off" physically the last couple of days.  Waves of nausea and extreme fatigue have made me want to crawl into bed and stay there for days.  I'm in bed every night at approximately 8:30, but I wake up between 3 and 5 times a night, often having difficulty getting back to sleep.  I'm not quite sure how I'll handle the rest of my school year if this continues and/or worsens at all.  Fingers crossed I guess.

I did manage to take a (non-existent/lack-of) bump pic yesterday because I knew I would regret it later if I didn't.  So here it is.

So, that's me at six weeks.  A big emotional mess, just trying to get through each day.  I'm trying to tell myself that the world really isn't crashing in around me, even if it feels like it is.  Hopefully I can pull myself out of this rut soon and start getting excited about the kiddo on the way.  Fake it til' you make it, right?

5 weeks - Symptoms

Last week, even before my HPT, some symptoms started to show themselves.  Cramping was definitely the most obvious, then tender breasts, bloat and gas, constipation, frequent trips to the washroom (although this is nothing new for me), and fatigue which was then accompanied by restless nights.  Luckily, everything was mild and didn't really interrupt my schedule. 

Into this week, most of those things have continued, and remain tolerable.  Most of the time, I feel pretty good, if just a little tired.  The one exception is the cramping.  This weekend,  they really picked up in intensity and have been pretty painful, even waking me up at night and causing me to double-over. I was concerned enough after a particularily awful bout of cramps through the night last night, that I called the midwife today. She said that because there's no spotting it could be "usual" cramping and we just need to wait it out.  She also advised me to make sure I'm eating enough fibre.  I can handle the pain, but I just wish that I knew if it was "normal" or not.

Only 7 more days until our first information session with the midwife, and hopefully we'll get a real appointment soon after that.  Fingers crossed that the cramping is just part and parcel of my body adjusting to all the changes and that our orangeseed sized kiddo is just in the process of getting comfortable for the next eight months.