Baby Size: Sweet Pea
Next Appt: Midwife information session this afternoon at 4pm. Not really sure what to expect today.
I'd like to post about something exciting or happy today, like the stories of how we told each of our parents, but I just don't have it in me. Hopefully, I'll be in the mood to write that up soon.
The worrisome cramping has stopped for the most part, but has been replaced by killer issues with.... we'll just call it my digestive system. I'm drinking a lot of baby prune juice and eating as much Activia yogurt as possible, and it seems to be helping, but I'm certainly not enjoying this latest symptom.
I think the most troubling "symptom" I've been dealing with the past few days is a depression that has become almost overwhelming at times. I got some very bad news about the future of my job last week, so that, coupled with the uncertainty of being newly pregnant, really has me down. I cried for 2 days, then I just sort of went numb. I didn't go into the office on Thursday (I worked from home) and by yesterday, Thanksgiving Monday, I didn't even want to get out of bed. I tried and failed to get myself up and going, and it wasn't until almost 3 o'clock when my Mom called to take the dogs to the bush for a walk that I finally dragged myself out from under the covers. I can't bring myself to be excited about anything. The only thing I can seem to think about is how crappy I feel, and how poorly timed this pregnancy is. I have a lot of anger and guilt and sadness and right now, it's winning over the excitement. It's the exact opposite of how I thought I would feel once I found out I was pregnant and when I think about that, it just makes me feel worse. This is supposed to be a happy and exciting time. I should be out trying desperately to resist the urge to start buying baby stuff, but instead I'm at home with no desire but to lay under the covers and think about anything but being pregnant. I'm an awful person for that fact, I know, but I can't help it at the moment.
I've also started to feel a little "off" physically the last couple of days. Waves of nausea and extreme fatigue have made me want to crawl into bed and stay there for days. I'm in bed every night at approximately 8:30, but I wake up between 3 and 5 times a night, often having difficulty getting back to sleep. I'm not quite sure how I'll handle the rest of my school year if this continues and/or worsens at all. Fingers crossed I guess.
I did manage to take a (non-existent/lack-of) bump pic yesterday because I knew I would regret it later if I didn't. So here it is.
So, that's me at six weeks. A big emotional mess, just trying to get through each day. I'm trying to tell myself that the world really isn't crashing in around me, even if it feels like it is. Hopefully I can pull myself out of this rut soon and start getting excited about the kiddo on the way. Fake it til' you make it, right?
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